Doesn't it get exhausting when you have to constantly repeat your simple requests to your child over and over and over again? One of my friends, somehow, gets all four of her children to listen on the first time...and most definitely by the second time, if not on the first. I used to sit there in awe trying to wrap my head around it. My children were by no means bad, but listening on the first, second, third, or even fourth try became quite the task at times. Especially when most of the inattention stemmed from my boys "twinning" out. Meaning, they get lost in their own world, unbeknownst to them, and it's just tunnel vision into the soul of their twin. It's like nobody else exists and nothing around them distracts from this natural occurrence. When my daughter came into the mix, she usually got twinned right along with me!

They have their own language, their own gestures, pretty much their own cadence when it comes to all things in life. It's actually pretty fascinating... that is, when I'm not the one being zoned out! This can be extremely frustrating as the parent when it reality, it's actually a very natural thing to occur between multiples. My boys, being identical, came from the same egg...so they started out as one individual and the egg split into two, several days later. This is THE closest human bond possible. How on Earth was I going to get my boys to listen to me when I'm competing with human nature at it's finest?!?

I quickly learned that as my children grew, consequences had to grow with them too. I would implement different things and was open to try pretty much anything, but in all honesty, nothing really ever stuck. I tried time outs, I tried to redirect, I tried to reason (don't do this, BIG mistake, lol), I tried to use calming glitter jars, I tried alone time in their bedroom, and the list goes on. It just always seemed that I had to change up my method because the kids eventually just didn't care about the consequence after a while. That is, until I came up with my own catch all consequence that could be applied to everything. Quite literally any behavior could be corrected with this one method. In a sense, it has become a currency of it's own within my household. I can instantly deter bad behavior in any setting, any where, at any time. And on the flip side of the consequence, I also use this method as a reward system along the same premise which is for above and beyond actions. I'm sure you're saying, "what is it already?!?!" ... well ... it's something I have dubbed "Bedtime Minutes". 

For example, if Jack decides to hit is little sister, Jack will be going to bed 10 minutes earlier than usual (you can assign logical minute values for each infraction based on severity.) Each time a rule is broken, those minutes will add up to a reduced amount of time to stay up that day. If bedtime is normally 8:30pm, his new bedtime is now 8:20pm because he hit his sister. If Jack decides not to listen and skips doing his homework, that's another 10 minutes off bedtime plus he has to immediately do his homework. Jacks' bedtime is now 8:10pm while he sits to do his homework before it's too late. You get the jist. This method can be applied anywhere...if you're at the store and Jack keeps touching things he is not supposed to touch, it's another 10 minutes off making his bedtime 8:00pm. 

Depending on the situation, there's also the ability to earn stay up minutes for the weekend when your child is caught being good! So if Jack took time to read a book to his little sister, perhaps he earns back 10 minutes that he lost earlier in the day. You have to be careful with earning back minutes as opposed to earning stay up minutes because if you always let them flex reward minutes the dialogue becomes "I'll just earn them back" and the mindfulness of this activity is out the door. The idea is reward good behavior and deter bad behavior. The first few days the child will not care when you assign these minute values...until it comes to bedtime and you point out how much earlier they have to go because of behavior. 

There's a few things worth noting about bedtime minutes that I want to share with you as I've been using this consequence for the past seven years. Once my kids grasped the concept that getting bedtime minutes meant going to bed early, it was very clear that Mama wasn't messing around anymore...

* I started my kids on this path at the age of three because they are able to make the connection so long as you keep it simple. The rewards will come into play once they get a little older, around kindergarten age when they are socially aware of how they make others feel. 

* If you happen to have twins like me or children that are extremely close, beware of the soldier that gives his/her life for the others...meaning, they will organize who takes the fall ahead of time for conspiracy offenses. I can tell when this is orchestrated and when that does occur, the offense doubles down on minutes so the person who took the fall gets the short end of the stick. 

* If you think your kids are too old to mess with their bedtimes, this method can also be applied toward time on electronics. If I really want to get my point across, they can get bedtime minutes AND electronic minutes removed. There's so many ways to customize this approach which is why it's so easy to apply in your life. Just be consistent and it will pay off in the long run. 

* With regard to calling my children and expecting them to answer, this method still works extremely well but there is one twist. Assuming it's a live scenario, as in I've called someone's name and they are not responding, I begin to count at a pretty rapid speed. The children are aware that if I get to 3 without a response or a body in front of me, they will be getting bedtime minutes for not listening. If I get to three and they are still not there, I start over at one and count up to three again for a second round of minutes, third round, etc. Sometimes if you have a stubborn child, they may end up going to bed at 6:00pm one night...they will be alight and they will feel the impact of their decision. I can personally tell you that the days and weeks following a 6:00pm bedtime I have had the most stellar child on Earth who is more than happy to comply with the rules of the house. 

*Lastly, as your child gets into their tween and teen years, the approach can be crafted to decrement privileges they care deeply about like phones, driving, curfews, etc. I've come to realize that bedtime minutes can't always be applied on the same day they are earned in some cases, for instance, if the child is in sports, or if the child is with another family member that night. In this case, the bedtime minutes slide out to the weekend for when they get served which has a compounding effect on behavior for the remaining days of the week.

I truly hope this has been helpful to you and provides you a way to preserve your sanity while raising children in a positive, mindful environment that teaches them to respect rules and expect consequences when those rules are broken. Being consistent and making real life connections for your child as they age has had a pretty impactful effect in my house. In the beginning, it may be confusing for the child to understand the delayed consequence that is awaiting the end of the day, but this approach can easily be adjusted to incorporate some alone time in their room on top of the minutes, to change their scenery and provide an opportunity to emerge with a better attitude.